Ice cream, tears and healing

I had a mom come up to me at church as I was trying to get my husband's attention. She's someone I love to talk to and laugh with. Our daughters are in the same class and we were talking about putting my art up in her coffee shop (which I'm so excited about by the way!!) but she asked me how I had time to do this (referring to being on facebook)....as we were talking about this exciting opportunity, I totally forgot that my four year old's head was injured from me shutting her head in the door.

Seriously, okay, well, I didn't like grab her head and shut it in the door. I felt like I had though. I thought she was behind me when I was leaving her classroom, and I turned around in the hallway to find the very heavy door closing on her head and in turn crashing her forehead into the stone that surrounds the doorway. I didn't realize how hard she hit until I pulled her away from me to find she was bleeding.

 Poor baby -what kind of mother am I?!

 I totally just got out of church all pumped up and I go and let her head get slammed in the door. My little one, of course, was a trooper. She just looked at me with her big blue eyes, tears still on her sweet cheeks and said
"it's okay, Mama, I just need some ice cream an' a cookie".

She got a big ice cream cone on our way home.

Driving home, listening to "If I were a butterfly" song for the 100th time, I thought about why do I do this? Why am I home full time with our kids when I could be making money? We live in California, not the most cheapest place to live...why don't I get a full time job and support our family?

Because, I believe I am supporting our family by doing what I am doing.

Why, so many of you have asked, am I blogging? As if I don't have enough to do with my time..right? Well, this is an outlet for me to share my story...my thoughts about what I'm working on and tell my story.

I have said, I'm not a writer. In fact, the thought of people reading my ramblings, makes me nervous.  My husband is an incredible writer! He says that I am a writer,   just not an editor.  I'm not articulate or what you'd call a "detail person" I'm very visual and if you'd ask me a question like, what the sermon was about on Sunday, I would say that I pictured Smokey the bear...and fire breathing dragons.

 So, why am I blogging?

The ideas for my blog began when I heard my friend, Sara, speak at our Women's Mini Retreat at  Clayton Community Church .  She spoke about being intentional in our lives.  (by the way, I am always amazed with Sara's speaking, she always speaks right to my heart.)   I strongly heard God speak as He called me to be an artist to create for Him.

I know my family would say, "DUH!" I've always LOVED to draw. Ever since I was very young, I have loved to draw. My grandma still has drawers full of my drawings. I took oil painting when I was in 3rd grade and in High School, the only classes I passed were my art classes.

After high school, I had a long term relationship end in heart break that brought me into severe depression. My life was in a downward spirial for years after that. Until slowly God began the healing process, and allowing me to let go of the past. Through that time, I tried drawing but, it wasn't the same. Slowly, it faded away. I still took art classes in college but it was more of assignments than a heart thing.  I did a couple of portraits that I enjoyed but then nothing after that.

I hadn't painted in years and I believe God, in HIS timing, took me through a journey of healing to come to this point in my life.

Sara, shared about being intentional about what is calling us as women to be in our lives. Two things totally smacked upside the head...ok, three really...

1. Be home with my kids full-time
2. support my husband in what God has called him to be.
3. God has given me a talent and HE has called me to create art, I'm an artist!

Throughout the time of worship at church that day, I was sketching like crazy!  Seriously, it was like the scales fell off my eyes! I heard a whisper from God that He has called me to be an artist. Create for His kingdom and give Him glory, not focus on myself as I have done in the past, but on His grace, mercy, love and forgiveness.
(I have the sketch somewhere, when I find it, I'll show it to you.)

The crazy thing is, I'm not stressed about money or how we are going to get by. God has provided in amazing ways for us. We know that if we are seeking God first, our family will make it. My first responsibility is to take care of our kids and our home. Second is to create and share what God is doing...I love creating with my hands, it gives me an inexpressible joy.

Following the session at church, I painted an 11" x 14" from a verse God had been showing me.

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” - Psalm 46:9-11

I took the canvas and showed it at the Sunday gatherings as a form of worship.   Nervous, but confident that my Lord would meet me.  Afterwards,  many were so encouraging!   Honestly, it gave me inspiration to keep sharing.

I love to tell what God is doing in my life.  Not to boast about it or think I'm all that and a bag of chips (oh yeah, I pulled that one out!), but because I don't deserve this life, it's ONLY THROUGH GOD'S GRACE that I am here and I believe anyone can come to the cross and find healing.  Anyone.

"Be still."
11" x 14"

As my family, my closest friends started telling me to put my art out there, I began creating paintings inspired by my quiet times in God's word.  Those who have seen my paintings, have asked  if they were for sell.  So, I am slowly taking steps to share the whispers I hear from God...

It's all a process of trusting God's timing and creating outside of my comfort zone. It's slowly unfolding and taking form!

Thank you for all your words of encouragement and taking the time to reading these posts.  You've all been so sweet.

I love to hear from you, seriously, I love reading your comments!