Ice cream, tears and healing

I had a mom come up to me at church as I was trying to get my husband's attention. She's someone I love to talk to and laugh with. Our daughters are in the same class and we were talking about putting my art up in her coffee shop (which I'm so excited about by the way!!) but she asked me how I had time to do this (referring to being on facebook)....as we were talking about this exciting opportunity, I totally forgot that my four year old's head was injured from me shutting her head in the door.

Seriously, okay, well, I didn't like grab her head and shut it in the door. I felt like I had though. I thought she was behind me when I was leaving her classroom, and I turned around in the hallway to find the very heavy door closing on her head and in turn crashing her forehead into the stone that surrounds the doorway. I didn't realize how hard she hit until I pulled her away from me to find she was bleeding.

 Poor baby -what kind of mother am I?!

 I totally just got out of church all pumped up and I go and let her head get slammed in the door. My little one, of course, was a trooper. She just looked at me with her big blue eyes, tears still on her sweet cheeks and said
"it's okay, Mama, I just need some ice cream an' a cookie".

She got a big ice cream cone on our way home.

Driving home, listening to "If I were a butterfly" song for the 100th time, I thought about why do I do this? Why am I home full time with our kids when I could be making money? We live in California, not the most cheapest place to live...why don't I get a full time job and support our family?

Because, I believe I am supporting our family by doing what I am doing.

Why, so many of you have asked, am I blogging? As if I don't have enough to do with my time..right? Well, this is an outlet for me to share my story...my thoughts about what I'm working on and tell my story.

I have said, I'm not a writer. In fact, the thought of people reading my ramblings, makes me nervous.  My husband is an incredible writer! He says that I am a writer,   just not an editor.  I'm not articulate or what you'd call a "detail person" I'm very visual and if you'd ask me a question like, what the sermon was about on Sunday, I would say that I pictured Smokey the bear...and fire breathing dragons.

 So, why am I blogging?

The ideas for my blog began when I heard my friend, Sara, speak at our Women's Mini Retreat at  Clayton Community Church .  She spoke about being intentional in our lives.  (by the way, I am always amazed with Sara's speaking, she always speaks right to my heart.)   I strongly heard God speak as He called me to be an artist to create for Him.

I know my family would say, "DUH!" I've always LOVED to draw. Ever since I was very young, I have loved to draw. My grandma still has drawers full of my drawings. I took oil painting when I was in 3rd grade and in High School, the only classes I passed were my art classes.

After high school, I had a long term relationship end in heart break that brought me into severe depression. My life was in a downward spirial for years after that. Until slowly God began the healing process, and allowing me to let go of the past. Through that time, I tried drawing but, it wasn't the same. Slowly, it faded away. I still took art classes in college but it was more of assignments than a heart thing.  I did a couple of portraits that I enjoyed but then nothing after that.

I hadn't painted in years and I believe God, in HIS timing, took me through a journey of healing to come to this point in my life.

Sara, shared about being intentional about what is calling us as women to be in our lives. Two things totally smacked upside the head...ok, three really...

1. Be home with my kids full-time
2. support my husband in what God has called him to be.
3. God has given me a talent and HE has called me to create art, I'm an artist!

Throughout the time of worship at church that day, I was sketching like crazy!  Seriously, it was like the scales fell off my eyes! I heard a whisper from God that He has called me to be an artist. Create for His kingdom and give Him glory, not focus on myself as I have done in the past, but on His grace, mercy, love and forgiveness.
(I have the sketch somewhere, when I find it, I'll show it to you.)

The crazy thing is, I'm not stressed about money or how we are going to get by. God has provided in amazing ways for us. We know that if we are seeking God first, our family will make it. My first responsibility is to take care of our kids and our home. Second is to create and share what God is doing...I love creating with my hands, it gives me an inexpressible joy.

Following the session at church, I painted an 11" x 14" from a verse God had been showing me.

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” - Psalm 46:9-11

I took the canvas and showed it at the Sunday gatherings as a form of worship.   Nervous, but confident that my Lord would meet me.  Afterwards,  many were so encouraging!   Honestly, it gave me inspiration to keep sharing.

I love to tell what God is doing in my life.  Not to boast about it or think I'm all that and a bag of chips (oh yeah, I pulled that one out!), but because I don't deserve this life, it's ONLY THROUGH GOD'S GRACE that I am here and I believe anyone can come to the cross and find healing.  Anyone.

"Be still."
11" x 14"

As my family, my closest friends started telling me to put my art out there, I began creating paintings inspired by my quiet times in God's word.  Those who have seen my paintings, have asked  if they were for sell.  So, I am slowly taking steps to share the whispers I hear from God...

It's all a process of trusting God's timing and creating outside of my comfort zone. It's slowly unfolding and taking form!

Thank you for all your words of encouragement and taking the time to reading these posts.  You've all been so sweet.

I love to hear from you, seriously, I love reading your comments!

Words stick

 You can't tame your tongue only surrender it to God.

For me, I can't watch movies with a lot of cussing. just isn't cool to me and the words play back in my head.  So many times too, I see my children picking up language they hear.  We are really careful in our house to not watch tv.  We have DVDs we watch and Netflix. That's it. We want to be intentional and proactive with what is going in our minds.

Word's stick, I don't care what they say about rubber and glue, it doesn't bounce off anywhere, they are messy. they just get stuck.  It like bounces and sticks in your hair and then you have to have freezing peanut butter in your hair.

What do your words say about you?  I want to build up and bless others, the only way that's possible is to allow God, in my quiet time, to fill me with gratitude as I decide to be positive.

"Encourage one another and build each other up." - 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Are you cursed by words?

We've all been verbally abused at one point or another.  I know I have.  Words that have stuck with me. Tapes that play over in my head.  I have let them linger and corrupt my thoughts.  I have been on the other side of a disagreement that should have ended sooner and words were said that crushed me.

"...the tongue is a small part of the body but makes great boasts. consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.  It corrupts the whole person, set the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. " - James 3:5-6

I don't want to say words that tear down.  I pray that those I love feel built up in our conversations, that they walk away knowing how much I love them.

On the bottom of our sermon outline, our pastor put two verses for us to tear off and put in a place you will see them during the day (my first thought was my mouth!)

Here they are:

"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. - Psalm 141:3

"For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks" -Matthew 12:34

-taken from "Words Matter" August 26,2012 -Pastor Shawn Robinson, Clayton Community Church

Brighter than the Sun

TGIF!!

Happy Friday!

What a beautiful morning! I love the smell of fall in the air! Such a great feeling to run down a hill!

i walked the farthest i've walked in such a long time. and i loved it! so invigorating. so uplifting! even when i got caught behind the trash truck it was cool cause i was listening to Steve Miller Band and had the cool breeze in my hair.  as i walk I love looking at the different houses, plants and animals.  I love saying hi to people I can't hear respond because my ipod is too loud but i like to think i can read lips.  Seriously, I'm so loving this.

I'm pretty sure, I'm high!

 Like, I think this is what my friends and work-out junkies call a "runners high".

Bryan reminded me that not too long ago I wondered how people did this...trying to exercise and stay healthy with a house-full of chaos.  It's not as chaotic now, its simpler and more focused on the stuff that matters.

Time in the word.
our family.
exercise.

I realize that I need things in my life, and that's not selfish, it's how I'm created.  Created to seek God first and please Him only.

Colbie Calliat's song brighter than the sun was playing in my ear buds on the way home and I totally was praising God, HE is brighter than the sun and so dang beautiful!



Have a listen and have great Friday!

A letter to my children

As my ducklings are starting school I am reminded of how important it is to help them grow in character. 

We've spent our time together as a family and our usual thing to do is go to Fudruckers for some burgers & shakes together before school starts. Then we  get our clothes, backpacks and such for the year. 

We also talk about how important sharing Jesus' love is at school.  Not by words. We tell the kids that they are missionaries just like Mommy and Daddy share Jesus, they are called by God to do the same. We show love-Christ's love. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:5-7

This year, I came upon a letter from a great blog called Momastery that was written to a son that I loved and copied it to share with my children.  

The  original story is about a boy that the author knew and I was reminded of a  girl I knew in school.  

Happy School year!

Love,
Mel

Dear Precious Ones,

Today is a big day. You are in another grade of school! – wow.

Beccah, Will and Ashley – When I was in school, there was a little girl in my class named Gina.

Gina looked a little different and she wore worn outs clothes and sometimes she even smelled a little bit.  Her hair was often not brushed and tangled.  Gina didn’t smile. She hung her head low and she never looked at anyone at all.  She never did her homework. I don’t think her parents reminded her like yours do. The other kids teased her a lot. Whenever they did, her head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased her, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.

And I never talked to Gina, not once. I never invited her to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, she sat and played by herself. She must have been very lonely.

I still think about Gina. I wonder if she remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked her to play, just once, she’d still remember me.

I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.

So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.

Sweeties, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help!  Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! 

It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.

Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.

Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.

Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’s team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.

When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Gina. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Gina could have used a friend and I could have, too.

Dear Ones – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight A's. We don’t care if the kids think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most toys or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.

We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.

We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.

Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.

Trust me, Love, it is. It is more important.

Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.

Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.

Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky kid . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.

I love each on of you so much that my heart might explode.

Enjoy and cherish your gifts.

And thank you for being my favorite gifts of all time.

All my Love,

Mommy (and Daddy too!)

The Store of Confusion & Swirling Lies

Today, I went to my favorite art supply store; I love the selection and helpful staff.

However...it's overwhelming.

Isn't it funny how we love selection when we're shopping? I don't know about you, but I get overwhelmed by all the choices.  Like, i'm glad that they have all of the stuff in there but simpler would be nice...less words more pictures...or scratch and sniff...no, no that's weird...wouldn't work.  The hard part is the choosing, and being confident in that choice...

I feel like i've been gifted in a talent that i'm not qualified for...all these artists out there, that i admire and have inspired me, like Flora Bowley,  Donna Downey,  and  Christy Tomlinson.  They all are so much more gifted and definately educated than i am.

I know what my mom would tell me...if fact, she's probably saying it now as she's reading this. "Melanie, you are so beautiful and God has given you a gift!"

Then my Grandma chimes in "She's right! You are a gifted artist! You can do what they are doing!" and she asks me if I'm hungry and I have some mashed potatoes with corn in the middle of the pile of yumminess.  Golden Girls comes on, so we watch while she puts my hair in curlers...

Okay, where was I?

Uh, oh, yep, the store of confusion and swirling lies...the lies are telling me that I'm not good enough, I'm fooling myself, I'm not talented...on and on.

So, I drove home with my windows down, wind blowing all the trash around in the car reminding me of how much we need to clean the car out....and...i realize that I'm not an artist, my work isn't in a gallery,  i don't have fancy prints with a fancy french name of my art.....i haven't been to Bali or had a tv show or been to that burning desert thing. (though all those things are really cool and I'd like to do someday).

I am just a stay at home mother who received a calling...

A mother of three children that inspire me to dream and live out loud.

I am wife of a man who is constantly cheering me on and making incredible cups of coffee for me, who listens without fixing.

I am a daughter of parents who believe in me and are proud of this timid little girl.

I am a lead worshiper to a God is that is almighty, ever consuming, overwhelming with love and who has always cheered me on, who's never given up on me, who smiles when i paint and knows HE has given me such a precious gift.

A gift that was given to me, uniquely.  Not in wealth,  not in power or super-hero intelligence, elequent words...but an eternal gift...one that will never fade or go out of style.  His Spirit at work within me, ready to create.

"For you created my innermost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful." 

-Psalm 139:13-14

I'm a mommy whose kids think an amazing artist and see my faith being lived out.

I'm not just anybody, I am created and intentionally made for a purpose to create! 



So, I wanted to show you what came out of this morning....

This is a recent painting commission that I'm working on for some dear friends of ours :-)

I picked up some new Amsterdam Acrylic paint (Titanium white & Buff Deep, Permanent Red Purple, Carmine & Liquitex Gesso 

I really like Amsterdam's texture and Liquitex :)

my blowdryer and rags -I'm messy :-)

Now i am off to have some ice cream with my Love. 

I hope you have a wonderful night!!

Happy Wednesday!

Wild turkeys and deer poop

"Cast your cares on the LORD and HE will sustain you" -Psalm 55:22, NIV

"BE CAREFUL!" 

 "LOOK OUT!" 


I lose count how many times my Husband and I tell  the kids to be careful during the day. Especially today, my oldest was riding her bike "super fast" as she likes to call it. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out "be cautious - don't be daring!" 

Uh, that is not what I wanted to say...

I quickly followed up with "well...take chances, but be careful!...I don't want you to get hurt!" 

Why? What am I afraid of?

I'm so afraid my kids will get hurt.  So many things could hurt them; bumble bees, honey bees, yellow jackets... fast cars, sticks, public toilets, germs, wild turkeys, playing with deer poop.

Seriously, I know you worry too!

My babies are so tender and sweet, free of the cares of this world.  They still play together and give hugs.  They believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy.  They think that Naboo is a real planet.  They also know Jesus and that he saves, that he came as a baby and died for our sins...

Yet, I worry.

 I worry that they'll see things that will ruin their innocence, or give them nightmares.  I worry theyre going to get angry at each other and injure themselves and be hateful towards one another.  Then their childhood memories will be forever ruined, then they'll call each other names like "Stupid dummy"!!

Okay, maybe I'm getting away with myself, but can't we all find ourselves doing this?

 The reality is that this may or may not happen.  I may be totally grey when I'm like, 40,  and grow a tail...who knows?

God does.

So, He calls me. Not loudly,  a whisper...and I am driven to pray.  Pray for my children and our family, pray for my focus, pray that God will show me what HIS will is for them.

 I know God loves our dear ones.  He knows them better then I ever could.


 Calm.  My heart is stilled.

He wants all those worries, he always takes them.  I don't have to bite my nails or pull my hair out.  I don't need to yell like a frazzled mom in the middle of Walmart (and that's good cause we don't shop there...ok, well only on-line).

 I cast my cares on God, on my Lord, my best friend, knowing that He WILL sustain me.

 I pray that you, dear reader, child of the Living God,  know that the Creator of the Universe wants to take your cares, HE loves you yesterday, today and tomorrow.  

If you are picking and biting your fingers with worry, open your hands and lift your cares up to Him right now.

A new day full of sunshine!

Happy Monday!

I can't believe that:

a) How much music gets me moving! I ran today for the first time in seriously years (with the exception of chasing my dog or running to put some ice on an injury with one of my kids) up hill!!

b) My two older babes start school this week!!


Right now, this morning, I am working on painting...

Here's a peek at some of my inspiration:

Source: 1.bp.blogspot.com via Abby on Pinterest

I like the teal in this too...

Source: nowserveme.wordpress.com via Kathryn on Pinterest

"Hope" is the focus of this piece...I love this verse-

Source: mysweetandsouthernlife.tumblr.com via Madelyn on Pinterest

I can't wait to get started!

Hope ya'll have a blessed day!

Jumping in....

I think about back when I was young and scared.

Scared to rise above the normal...scared to succeed.

It's easier to underachieve because there's no expectations on the person who always disappoints.

The one who I was disappointing was myself.

God had called me to be more than I could imagine and yet for some reason I felt safer on the sidelines.

This especially hit me when we all went over to my friend Jaime's pool. My two older ones and my husband were totally having a blast in the water. I sat on the side of the pool with our little one...she's going on five...she's bold and daring....yet, for some reason she did not want to get in the pool with mommy. I even had a princess Dora kick-board she could swim with! I told her, she was safe...I'm her mommy for pete's sakes! I'm not going to scare you, I will just hold you! Yet, my sweet one stayed outside the refreshing water, scared.

I want so much more out of this life but when I am faced with a chance to succeed, I get scared. I don't want to jump into the pool.

This time is different.

I know God has called me to this, to be intentional.  This adventure is about HIM not me. I'm not looking at myself but seeking my Heavenly Father. I can't fail on this journey.

I may trip, I may be a little too cautious and miss a chance to grow...but in that, I am growing!

Every day is a learning opportunity, a chance to grow and walk in God's love. His will for us, as his children saved by grace, is to just seek him.

So, I'm jumping in,...knowing that He will hold me and catch me. He has never let me go-that just amazes me. Thats what inspires me today and drives me to lift my hands and paint.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  -Isaiah 41:10

Here I am!

Blogging...very cool. We'll see where this little journey leads. :)