Disneyland

I have the Disneyland hangover.  Yep, if you haven't gone, believe what they've said about Christmas in Disneyland being magical.  It's so true, it's like the merriest place on earth.  I want to go back right now and do it all over again.  Yet, I don't all at the same time and thus the topic of this post...

 After being on a magical high for five days, who wants to go back home?!   I got to spend time with my Dad and my nephew in the morning and talk with my sister, watch my niece play with my children, we loved seeing the joy on the kids faces and the christmas lights, snow and smells were magical. music playing happily all over the park, everything clean and picked up.  Coming back to the cleaned hotel room after we had a full day of fun.  The rides are so fun - especially in Fantasy Land!  Everything is just beautiful and fun! The focus is made on making  our visit a perfect one as if everyday is the last day we were there...

this is a beautiful illustration of holding onto material stuff that doesn't matter

My heart kept getting pulled back.  It wasn't like it was when I was younger.  There's such a focus on self that it started to really effect me.  I started getting frustrated at our lack of money and wanted to buy more.  Instead of feeling happy and carefree, I was becoming frustrated.

 i left feeling a loss of what we didn't have for the kids. i wanted to buy so many things for them that we couldn't afford.

now as we continue to move into Advent, I am distracted by material stuff.  I find myself praying for money for gifts,  that maybe someone will buy one of my paintings.  I want Christmas to be special.  when no one responds I find myself defeated and getting bitter.  pulling me even more away from God's word.

Hope does not disappoint me, because you, God have poured out Your love into my heart by the Holy Spirit, whom you have given me. (Rom 5:5)

 I need him every minute, not just the thought of him but his holy, living word that gives me peace and allows me to see the bigger picture.  not just gifts and temporary stuff but eternal stuff that matters.  Walk in his beauty in what he has made in nature.

My husband said it perfectly when he shared this with me: 

I am learning that when I recieve God as He is and take time to quietly spend time in Him so His peace  will  overflow, I rarely OVERFLOWI guess because I am putting an agenda on Him.Like I am going to the throne looking for energy to carry out my plan.Not asking Him what His plan is.
I guess it's about coming to Him, and repenting of what I am carrying.But I usually come, asking Him to help me with something I wasn't supposed to be doing in the first place.And so I corner Him and make Him into something He isn't.I treat Him as though He is there to serve me.
And then I wonder what the problem is.
So when I come to Him as something I wasn't supposed to be; I make Him into something He isn't.Instead of allowing Him to change me, I want Him to fix everything around me.
Instead of changing me.

I need to come with whatever I have, and ask Him to help me drop them at His feet.
And then recognize His presence, and the grace and mercy that is received in the fact that God is with us!

When I do this, it is only then that I am able to paint and find inspiration!

"There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"  -Rom. 5:5